Still Missing from the App Store: Geiger Counter

The widening nuclear disaster in Japan is capturing the minds and fears of the world. As water tainted with radioactivity 7 million times the government limit streams into the ocean, the questions arise: how much is too much? Can the ocean take the hit? Can these poor dedicated guys, the Fukushima 50, ever get these 6 beasts under control? Will sushi fry my junk off?

And in the midst of the human tragedy compounded by this growing disaster, the word got out that New York City detected radioactive iodine in the drinking water. “Oh, wait, hold the farking phone,” you say. “New York? Maybe L.A., but New York?”

In reality, the NYC level poses no risk to anyone except hypochondriacs. But loose radiation is so much more common than you’d think. Doubly so if you’re in the tinfoil hat crowd. But a little paranoia is good every now and then.

The cesium sticks they use to irradiate cargo containers are quite nasty, that’ll give you a fatal dose in a few minutes in the same room. People try to steal those (and get killed doing it).

Or you might suspect the guy next door really is stealing smoke detectors and old watches, scraping out the radioactive stuff, and trying to build a nuclear reactor. In his shed. To get a merit badge. So he could make Eagle Scout. You can’t make that up.

Anyway, you want to know what if something is about to fry your junk off, right! Enter the App I’d like to see: the Nukamajig.

See, the iPhone has accelerometers to measure acceleration (and therefore sudden deceleration, say, if dropped). They have thermistors to detect excessive internal temperatures. Water sensors rat out flooding. And it turns out, a tiny Geiger–Müller tube, great for measuring beta particles, having fun at parties, worrying people at the bus stop, and of course to deny warranty claims for damage due to ionizing radiation. (Betchya didn’t see that on page 57 of this week’s iTunes user agreement!) Better not take your Touch into space.

Simple, really, you have the readout, as you see above, in the classic friendly Civil Defense style analog dial. You can pick a Nuke Tone, and even share your results on Facebook. The real ones are going for $300 on EBay, so what’s $2.99?

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