I’m Having a Very Hard Time Picking a Car…

So, I need a new car. More on that later. And like everyone at work, I surf the Internet extensively, looking at what’s out there in the automotive world. And I’ve come to some very ugly conclusions. First, I do not have the income to support the shitty used car I have, much less a new one (or even a non-shitty used one.)

The second is, that while I highly value safety, economy, and reliability, I want to buy a big farking V10 truck.

But I digress — the third truth is that I find Lexus interiors offensively ugly. Like, one of the only things that truly offends me. Not ‘dressing up pets in people clothes’ offensive…more like flag burning offensive (if I were actually offended by that.) Godfather III offensive (I am actually offended by that). That kind of offensive.

And it wasn’t until last week, when I was cleaning out 60 years’ of family junk in the basement, that I realized precisely why.

Exhibit A is the interior of the Lexus I was looking at. Some people find that tasteful — beautiful, perhaps. Many more think they think that but in reality just assume it must be beautiful becasue it’s a Lexus.  (Well, now that Infiniti is hand-rubbing substances into the interior trim, I guess they must be even cooler.) But it was what I found in the basement that shed light on what was truly wrong with the picture:

Exhibit B. This is the reason. It reminds me of the tinny, heavy, acrid-haze Realistic-brand Radio Shack stereo that everybody had in their basement…and eventually replaced with something that put out more sound and less PCB vapors.

It’s the same wood accents. The same brushed-aluminum. The same look that screams “Cheese”!

Radio Shack from 40 years ago, for chrissake.

Radio Shack.

I rest my case.